Toilets of the World 5.1: Squatters Rites

It is only once one reaches China that the lack of Western tourists, along with a marked increase in domestic tourists, forces one to confront that most alien of contraptions- the squatter. For a people who are used to squatting as an alternative to sitting- I once saw a Chinaman squatting on a railing!- defecating in this position is perfectly natural. Indeed, it has been claimed that those who squat are at a much lower risk of bowel cancer than those who sit, suggesting that this really is the way God intended. However, for those of us who are used to relaxing our bodies and our bowels in a sitting position, squatting presents several problems:

1. Assuming the position

The first problem is simply one of technique- we have lost touch with our roots so much that we don’t even know how to squat properly. Ask a Westerner to squat and he will balance precariously on the balls of his feet- not, as you can imagine, at all suitable. Observing the locals (something one has all too much opportunity to do, as I will explain later), one learns to adopt a much more stable, flat-footed approach. Once one learns to lean forward in order to position one’s centre of gravity over the feet, and with a little practice, this position suffices for a normal (if a little hurried) evacuation. However, it is still a considerable effort and no small discomfort standing back up again; I fear that having reached adulthood it is too late for most Westerners to ever be truly comfortable squatting.