Toilets Of The World Part 3: Cleaning Up

When one travels to the Orient bodily functions become an entirely different experience.

Starting in Singapore and travelling north, my journey allowed me to ease myself in to Eastern ways, taking one change at a time. The first change I encountered was in the method of cleaning up. Western-style toilets are now widespread in many parts of Southeast Asia, but with drainage systems not set up to cope with toilet paper, the locals have come up with an ingenious, commendably hygienic alternative.

In all but the most rustic of facilities (where a cut-off length of hosing does not make an attractive prospect), one finds a pressurised, clasp-trigger hose ensconced next to the throne. Once one is able to gauge the correct angle and pressure required (I must admit that I continued to struggle when required to use my left hand for this purpose) it becomes a perfectly pleasant experience. Indeed, it is far preferable to soothe the ‘fires of incontinence’- as one fellow traveller put it- with a jet of water than to cause further irritation with toilet paper.

That said, there is one major drawback of this system, which would surely preclude any introduction to the West: it leaves one with a wet posterior. This is not a significant problem in tropical climes, where the heat and humidity ensure that one’s bottom does not stay damp (or at least, any damper than the rest of one’s body) for long. But using such a device on a cold winter’s morning in England would leave one moist-cracked for the rest of the day. Call me fastidious, but I do not consider the flannel I found draped over a cistern in a Malaysian guesthouse a viable solution to the problem.