In 2007 I undertook a ten-month round-the-world trip, taking in the USA, New Zealand, Southeast Asia and China. Frank and at times downright puerile, the following is a subjective survey of the toilets I encountered along the way and the experiences I had on them.
Part I: USAid
As one would expect from a Western country, the differences between British and American toilets are subtle. The low-slung urinals are perhaps slightly more stylish than their European counterparts, but the only appreciable functional difference is in the toilet seats. The ‘horseshoe’ design- with the front section of the oval missing- is a truly inspired touch. Vertical urination sans seat-lifting no longer necessitates leaning over the bowl like a dancer in a Michael Jackson video in order to avoid splashing. Not only does this avoid the health risks inherent in lifting the seat in public toilets, it must surely neutralise one of the most bitterly contested battlegrounds in the gender war- the seat-up-or-down debate. A great boon for domestic harmony.*
Next week, shitting from a great height in New Zealand!
*Since writing this report, I have been informed that toilet seats in the UK used to have the same ingenious design. I can only assume that Margaret Thatcher phased them out as part of her (highly successful) bid to create deep divisions within British society.
New Zealand is notable for its aptly-named ‘long drop’ toilets. Found mainly on New Zealand’s vast network of ‘tramping’ trails (hiking to you or I), these basic pit toilets afford the user the strangely satisfying sensation of seemingly defecating into the abyss, and of course remove any anxiety about splash-back. 
